Author: Rabbi Richard Address

Rabbi Address’ Monthly Message: Happiness is just a thing called ….. !!

May. 03 Rabbi Address' Monthly Message, Slider no comments

Spring has, we hope, sprung here in the Philadelphia area. Trees are budding, we get to see the sun, the days get longer and the Phillies are loosing.We emerge from the long cold, gray winter. Happy times ahead! Mother and Father’s day, graduations, weddings and end of program year events all serve to stir up memories and, we hope, anticipation of happy times. Happiness, that much sought after goal, is so subjective and so prized. But what makes up happiness?

Rabbi Richard AddressThe Atlantic Monthly has been following a major Harvard University longitudinal study on happiness for years.

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Dr. George Vaillant

It is a study  that began at Harvard of a class that entered school in the late 1930′s. Dr George Vaillant has followed this group through their lives. Vaillant identified seven major contributing factors that predicted healthy aging. both physically and psychologically. The seven were “mature adaptations”;which I interpret as having the ability, as we age, to roll with the punch or “go with the flow” or, as I like to call it, flexibility. The others were: “education, stable marriages, not smoking, not abusing alcohol, some exercise and healthy weight.” If you have five or six of these seven in your favor by the time you reach fifty, the study showed that you have a very good chance, by eighty, of being called “happy-well”.

Equally as important in this analyses was Vaillant’s finding of the poor of relationships. “It is social aptitude not intellectual brilliance or parental social class, that leads to successful aging.”

We have written a lot on the power of relationships as we age.

In Seekers of meaning, our book on baby boomers, Judaism and aging, we review the “theology of relationships” and posit the fact that, as we age, relationships with other people are a key to how we grow older. The study supports that. Vaillant was asked in a March 2008 interview what he had learned from following this study. His response was that “the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships with other people”.

Spring is the time for renewal and new beginnings. As we move forward, let’s not forget the relationships that have brought us to where we are. It is with those people and the ones we have yet to meet, that we will find joy and, we hope, meaning and purpose.

Shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address, D.Min




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Attention must be paid!

Apr. 05 Carousel, Rabbi Address' Monthly Message no comments

The New York Times (April 4, 2013) carried a front page article, “Dementia Study Predicts A Surge In Costs and Cases”.

Referencing a RAND study reported in the New England Journal of Medicine, the article went on to detail the staggering statistics that are now becoming evident as Boomers live longer. We are unprepared as a society to deal with the rise on the number of cases of Dementia.

The study results showed that 15% of people over the age of 71, about 3.8 million people, have dementia. By 2040, that 3.8 million number is expected to be 9.1 million.

Rabbi Richard Address“I don’t know of any other disease predicting such a huge increase,” said Dr. Richard J. Hodes, director of the National Institute of Aging, which financed the study. And as we have the baby boomer group maturing, there are going to be more older people with fewer children to be informal caregivers for them, which is going to intensify the problem even more.” This statement rarely gets discussed. Who will care for us? With less children, who are often living in other cities, will many of us face our final years living in physical and psychological isolation cared for by strangers in a “facility”?

The article outlines the economic impact of this Dementia wave.

What also needs to be addressed is the psycho-spiritual toll that impacts family members. Any one of us who has had to care for a loved one dealing with Dementia, including Alzheimer’s, knows that over and above the financial strain is the often overwhelming psychological stress that impact us. This also is rooted in a real fear that “this may be me in a few years”.

Slowly, as our generation ages and as we care for parents (and even spouses) who are afflicted with Dementia, the society is getting the message that it must pay attention to this reality. With no “cure”, we need to being to look at how a community can be supportive and caring. Faith communities as well are starting to become more aware of this issue. We have no choice since families are increasingly seeking advice and support from clergy.

Education about the challenges of Dementia needs to be increased as well as funding into research. Attention must be paid to this issue as, if the studies are correct, too many of us will be impacted. There is much more to come on this.

Shalom,

Rabbi Richard F Address, D.Min.

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Passover and Personal Liberation

Mar. 08 D'vrei Torah, Rabbi Address' Monthly Message, Slider no comments

In a few weeks we’ll be gathering again for the family ritual of the seder. Passover arrives and with it the spring and another opportunity for own own reflection. I am always struck by the theme of liberation that I sense as the seder unfolds. This is serious stuff! I think it is even more powerful for our generation. For many boomers, it is a season that we begin to contemplate “what we want to do when we grow up”. The kids are grown and we may be thinking seriously of transitioning from full time work. For many of us, though,we have many issues that make life decisions more challenging. Caring for aging parents and our involvement with our own children and, if we are lucky, involvement with grand children, add to the mix of “issues”. Then there is the increasing concern of our own health, made even more pronounced as we witness the discussions among our peers of medications, operations and serious illness.

Rabbi Richard AddressSo where is the liberation? Well, Passover is one of those festivals that underscore Jewish tradition’s them that it is never too late too move on, to change your outlook, to learn new skills and to continue to grow. Indeed, we understand this from the Torah itself. Abraham in Genesis 12 is given the call to “go forth” (lech l’cha) to a place that he did not know. Trust and faith were to carry Abraham forward. Trust in some eventual outcome and a faith in himself and his God, that the future would unfold in a positive way.

These themes of trust and faith are powerful forces that motivate us and, in many cases, push us forward in life. The story of the Exodus; the movement from slavery to liberation that we read at seder is a metaphor for each of us. Every year we are called to move forward, to free our self from that which enslaves us; if we only have the courage to trust our instincts and have faith in our own dreams.

So, as we prepare to observe and to celebrate this most popular of holidays, let me wish you a Passover of peace and health as well as a Passover that encourages your own dreams and hopes. Go forth and fear not.

Chag Sameach,
Rabbi Richard F Address, D.Min

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Our journey through the ‘club sandwich’ stage of life

Dec. 29 Care-Giving Concerns, D'vrei Torah, Rabbi Address' Monthly Message, Reflections on Aging no comments

Rabbi Richard Address

I have long maintained that we have, in this country and in this day and age, created a new life stage; that of care-giver.

Yes, people have been caring for people as long as we have been in existence. However, as many of us know, given the revolution in longevity and the advances in medical technology, care-giving can be a very long term challenge and one that involved multiple generations.
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A most powerful conversation

Nov. 30 D'vrei Torah, Jewish Baby Boomers, Rabbi Address' Monthly Message, Reflections on Aging no comments

One of the most challenging moments for many of us Baby Boomers is when we know that we must have, “the conversation”. This is the talk with our parents or parent about their wishes for care as life winds down.

Rabbi Richard Address

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D. Min.

You know, the advance directive and health care power of attorney talk. The wishes talk. The talk that, in many ways, solidifies the transition in roles between parent and child. Hopefully, this conversation can be held with a sense of love and purpose; celebration even. God willing, it is done with years of life ahead. Given the shape of technology and our longevity, however, not to have this conversation (and to review it regularly) courts emotional upheaval.

This issue arose again during the debate over the health reform act. The provision to support these conversations between doctor and patient became political fodder. Happily, these conversations take place with growing regularity in those doctors office, as well as living rooms and clergy offices. The value and need for these conversations was reinforced again in the lead editorial “Care at the End of Life” on Sunday Nov 25 in the New York Times.

The editorial spelled out a reasoned case for this issue to be at the front of the on-going debate on health reform. Look for more of this as the debates over Medicare and Medicaid costs continue. As the editorial stated regarding these advance planning talks: “There is good evidence that, done properly, it can greatly increase the likelihood that patients will get the care they really want. And, as a secondary benefit, their choices may help reduce the cost of health care as well.”

The time is now for religious congregations to incorporate into their schedules regular programs that teach how a particular tradition approaches and supports how to make decisions in light of the end of life.

What does a tradition say about technology, palliative care, hospice and the host of issues that an individual and a family will face; from how to plan for a funeral to how to maintain a person’s dignity?

This issue is part of our life now and, given the twin realities of technology and longevity, will continue to be a part of an ever increasing number of family discussions.

Shalom,
Rabbi Richard F. Address, D.Min.

 

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The myth of “healthy aging”?

Nov. 05 D'vrei Torah, Rabbi Address' Monthly Message no comments

 

Now that the first wave of baby boomers is solidly past 60, the reality of this aging process is quickly becoming evident. It is always fascinating to me to watch the TV commercials (if you can get past the political ads) at certain times of the day and see the bombardment of ads that tout this pill or that treatment which will fight aging. To date, no one has seemed to be able to defeat this process, or even really control it. Healthy aging may be more of an attitude than an application; more mental than medicinal.

Andrew Weil hinted at this in his book Healthy Aging: A Lifelong Guide to Your Well-Being, when he cautioned us that we move toward decline and death and that the best we can do is “to accept this inevitability and try to adapt to it, to be in the best health we can at any age”.

Fast forward almost a decade and we have a slightly different “take” on this idea of healthy aging. A recent book by Susan Jacoby — Never Say Die: The Myth and Marketing of the New Old Age — pulls no punches in her very useful and powerful book about the healthy aging conversation.

Rabbi Richard Address

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D. Min.

Jacoby points out that “Rosy predictions about the future of the wellderly depend on the disingenuous practice of lumping together all people over sixty-five”.  Jacoby stresses the fact that there appears to be a barrier, a border beyond which we enter a land that is fraught with danger. The border seems to be around the age eighty-five. “In real old age”, she writes, “as opposed to fantasyland, most people who live beyond their mid-eighties can expect a period of extended disability before they die…anyone who lives beyond the age of eighty-five has about a 50-50 chance of winding up in a nursing home–just as he or she has a 50-50 chance of developing dementia”.

Jacoby makes several points on the impact on health care and entitlements that baby boomers are now beginning to make and reminds people that wisdom and age do not always equate. In fact, she makes a big point that we age as we live.

The message from much of this is again a focus on the importance of the spiritual aspect of how we age. It is again about our own search for meaning, in spite of or in addition to the medical and physical issues we face. That is going to be the real challenge of baby boomer aging.

Shalom,
Rabbi Richard F Address, D.Min

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Class: Exploring ideas of time

Oct. 03 Reflections on Aging, Resources, Thought Pieces no comments
Time waits for no one

Time waits for no one

For baby boomers time is becoming more present in our lives. Is it an enemy or the constant reminder that we need to make “every day count”.

So here is a brief idea for a small class that could explore ideas of time. This is inspired by Simchat Torah and our annual re-cycle of Torah reading. Read more

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To every season under heaven…time in a Torah

Oct. 03 D'vrei Torah, Rituals no comments
We Celebrate The Torah

The holiday of Simchat Torah at the Jewish Reconstructionist Congregation in Evanston, Ill. The holiday marks the end of reading the torah and the start of reading it again. To do that, we unwind the long scroll and spread it around the room. Everybody helps hold it. Taken October 19, 2011. Photo by Richard Cahan (wordsnpix). Used under Creative Commons license from Flickr.com

This month is one of the more meaningful festivals in our calendar. Simchat Torah marks the end of our Torah reading cycle and the beginning of another.

It is a way in which we Jews measure time. There is usually great excitement and celebration around this festival, dancing and singing and yes, food. It is often associated with children. And yet, I want to try and put a little different spin on this. For, it is a marker of time, and for our generation, time is becoming more precious. Read more

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Ideas for programs that speak to baby boomers and the challenges of healthy aging

Sep. 04 Care-Giving Concerns, D'vrei Torah, Jewish Baby Boomers no comments

Shalom!

Rabbi Richard Address

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D. Min.

This month we begin the new year and also we begin an attempt to bring to our site some practical programs that you can apply to your congregation or agency or group that will speak to the issues that baby boomers are facing. Read more

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The Coming Generational Conflict: It’s Our Fault Again!

Aug. 01 D'vrei Torah, Reflections on Aging 1 comment

For some reason, in recent months there has been a rise of articles detailing the fact that Boomers are now a major factor in the decline of our economic well being.

Rabbi Richard Address

Rabbi Richard F. Address, D. Min.

We have the “chutzpah” to be living longer and will be tapping into Social Security and Medicare at an alarming rate. Of course, the government and politicians love to talk about “doing something”, but no one seems to have the courage to address the issue head on. Read more

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